How Your Words Contribute To An Angry Environment?

We have all seen news reports on television of people fighting in the streets, throwing rocks or hand grenades, aiming machine guns at each other. We may look at them and think that those displays of anger only happen in foreign lands. We may even think they are justified, given the conditions that exist in those places. We never place ourselves on the same footing with "those people." But if we examine our lives a little more closely, we would realize that we too sometimes throw rocks, hand grenades and even machine guns at our loved ones and the people we come into contact with on a daily basis.

Take this scenario: Jane comes in to work one October morning, spots her co-worker Jill wearing a pair of white pants. Jane turns to Mary, another co-worker, and says loud enough for everyone to hear, "I have learned never to wear white pants after Labor Day." Is that a rock or a hand grenade? Whoever said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never hurt me," didn't know what they were talking about.

But throwing hurtful words are not the only forms of anger that we may come across in our environment. There is the body language type of anger. The frigid atmosphere that pervades at the dinner table because Dad doesn't want to be disturbed while he's reading the newspaper. Or, the person who keeps her back turned to you while you are speaking to her. Or the door-slamming, pot-banging, foot-stomping behavior that goes on.

“Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.” - Taylor Swift. Do you want your words to bless others or curse them? Lift them up, or tear them down?

Read what James says about the way we use our words: "Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things . Behold , how great a matter a little fire kindleth ! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. 7 For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed , and hath been tamed of mankind : 8 But the tongue can no man tame ; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be" (v 5 - 9).

What Frustrates You?

This is the second post in the series dealing with anger. Anger, as we have seen before is a normal, healthy reaction. Even Jesus became angry, (See John 2 : 15), but the way we express that anger is what really matters. In our normal, everyday life we come across people and situations which, if we are not careful, will frustrate us and lead to anger. Psychologists say that people who have a low frustration tolerance are more likely to have difficulty dealing with their anger.

So, how can you handle frustration in a godly manner?

The first way, of course, would be to pray about it. "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God" (Philippians 4 : 6). Turn that frustrating situation over to God. It may be something at home, at work, or even at church. Whatever it is, God can teach you how to handle it.

The second thing you can do is look for alternatives. Let's say you are frustrated by your daily commute to and from work. I know a lot of people are. What can you do about it? Can you take a different route? Leave home earlier, or later? Use public transport or car pool?

In some situations, you may have to practice being assertive. If it is a relationship problem, you may have to learn to assert your feelings. This means not allowing yourself to be a doormat, but instead communicating your needs- or frustrations- to the other person without becoming angry. "But speaking the truth in love ..."(Ephesians 4 : 15).

Another thing that may help is regular exercise. This releases endorphins in the brain, which help you feel good and combat the stress and frustration. Just half an hour of walking daily can clear your mind and help you deal with your frustration in a constructive way.

If all of these don't work, you may need to seek counseling. Your frustration and anger may stem from a chemical imbalance in the brain. You may need medication and counseling to help you restructure the way you perceive situations.

Why Are You So Angry?

Photo credit: lesterp4 from morguefile.com

It would seem that anger is everywhere - on the roads, in the home and in the workplace. Road rage has taken lives; in the home children and parents, husbands and wives scream at each other and violence often erupts in places of employment. Why is there so much anger? If you find yourself becoming angry very often, you may need to slow down and try to determine what are the underlying reasons for your anger.

Your anger may stem from one or more of the following:

1. Fear. Surprisingly enough, a person who is angry is usually afraid of something. This quote from a Star Wars episode states, "Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."

2. Frustration. Are you frustrated by your attempts to succeed at something and always coming up short? If you are always frustrated, pretty soon you'll become angry.

3. Exhaustion. Have you found that you become irritable when you are tired? That irritation can turn into anger if you don't slow down and get some rest.

4. Environment. Anger can also be learned. If you live in an environment where everyone is angry all the time, you'll soon follow their example.

5. Worry. This often leads to fear, which, as we saw above can turn into anger.

Anger in itself is not always a bad thing. It's how that anger is channeled that will determine whether you overcome it or allow it to overcome you. Ecclesiastes 7 : 9 says, "Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry : for anger resteth in the bosom of fools." Ephesians 4 : 26 says, "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:" However, there are many references to people in the Bible who became angry. Remember Moses? Great man of God, chosen to lead God's people out of the bondage of Egypt. But if Moses had a psychiatrist he would have ended up in anger management classes. Because he couldn't control his anger, he was not allowed to enter the promised land.

Is your anger preventing you from enjoying the promises that God has for you? If yes, you need to confess it before God and ask Him to remove it from you. Jesus warned, "whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say , Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire" (Matthew 5 : 22).

Anger can be a destructive force that prevents you from enjoying God's best and also land you in a lot of trouble. It can also be the catalyst that drives you to make positive changes in your life and the lives of others. In the coming weeks I will continue to explore other aspects of this emotion.